But Not Today
by LaChoy
Summary: Lithuania couldn't be Russia's friend even though he knew he needed one. Slight one-sided Russia/Lithuania and very, very slight Poland/Lithuania.


**Disclaimer: Putting disclaimers for Hetalia always makes me laugh. Clearly I don't own Russia or Lithuania or Poland. Honestly.**

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They had promised they'd meet each other at the park when they were done doing their own thing. Lithuania had finished earlier than he had thought he would and so he was waiting on a bench, sighing and looking at his watch. It looked like it might rain soon and Lithuania was hoping Poland wasn't going to take this day to decide to be extremely late. After all, it was Poland who had the umbrella.

He shivered when a particularly cold breeze went past and then he heard his name from a voice he still heard at night when he'd wake up, scared and shaking.

"R-Russia…" Lithuania looked around him nervously, noticing there were a few people around. Russia couldn't do anything if he screamed loud enough. Too many people to see and do something to stop him. "Um, what are you doing here?"

Much to Lithuania's horror, Russia sits down next to him. Lithuania slightly moves away and is glad to know that Russia didn't notice. He had never liked it very much when he moved away from his touches and it wouldn't be too surprising if it was still like that.

"I have been wanting to talk to you. Is this okay?" Russia actually seems to be asking permission to talk to him and Lithuania is put more on guard. He had never asked permission for anything. Just done what he felt like, covering it all up as affection. Saying how he was only showing his love and how special his love was.

A big part of Lithuania wanted to say no, wanted to tell him to go away…but the part of him that he had always hated and always got the best of him made him say yes. His overwhelmingly accepting and caring side. What a horrible time for it to show up.

"I hurt you." Russia doesn't say anything more for a little while, long enough for Lithuania to open his mouth to ask him to continue before he's interrupted. "I hurt Estonia and Latvia. Latvia shakes when he sees me. Estonia treats me like I don't matter. You run."

Lithuania isn't sure what to say. He doesn't know what to do and what do you do with a man who has hurt you and left scars on you, does this sort of thing? There's no guidebook, no everyday life lesson for something like this. He decides to say nothing.

"I have no friends."

Lithuania feels a twinge in his heart despite himself.

"And sunflowers don't stay alive in my house. It is sad." Russia smiles sadly and if things had been different, Lithuania might have actually tried to talk and make him feel better. But in many ways, he doesn't want to because Russia never tried to make him feel better. But still, a small part wants to.

"S-sunflowers need sun…" He murmurs, only loud enough so Russia can hear and not any louder. "If they don't have sun and love and care, the care _they_ need…they die, Mr. Russia. You can't smother flowers. They're the same as any living thing. They need space and air and freedom. You can't be selfish. You can't make them live only for your sake."

They both know he isn't talking about only flowers. Russia isn't stupid. Russia is a lot of things, but he's always been aware of many things.

For a few moments, he worries if maybe he's said the wrong thing because Russia is only staring at him and every time he'd gone quiet in the past, it had never meant anything good. Never. But Russia doesn't look angry or like he wants to hurt him. He only looks at him. Lithuania can't even name any emotions in his eyes.

"But there's a lot of different flowers in this world. And maybe if you can find out how to take care of them, then you can have a lot of beautiful flowers in your home. If you can just take care of them. How they should be taken care of."

Russia smiles. It's creepy, and Lithuania has an idea he doesn't mean it to be creepy, but it is. It makes him move farther back as he wonders if he should regret talking to Russia. Regret being nice and never being able to just stop caring.

"Lithuania is very smart. And very nice. It would have been very good if Lithuania could have been one with me. Or maybe Estonia or Latvia." Russia looks away. "I like sunflowers best, but maybe I can find flowers just as nice."

Lithuania tries to smile and while he succeeds, it's probably not very real looking. "You probably can."

Russia looks back to him and even though that creepy smile is there, Lithuania is now not afraid. Russia has hurt him, has made him feel the worst he's ever had…but Russia is alone. And he is not. He has Poland, Estonia, Latvia, and America too. They can help him and they can make him feel better. They can chase the nightmares away and nobody can do that for Russia's nightmares.

But even if Lithuania feels pity for him, he knows he can't be the one to help. There's only so much he can do, only so much he can truly forgive and forget. Russia changed him and in a lot of ways, not for the better. Russia left scars on his body and mind. He can't just forget. He just can't let it all go because it still hurts. Maybe one day, but that day isn't today.

But he can hope for him and he will.

"Maybe you should try talking to Belarus?" Lithuania offers, but Russia looks at him with a serious face.

"Your joke is not funny."

That time, Lithuania actually smiles and comes close to laughing.

"Russia?! What did I tell you about going near Liet?! Your capital is totally gonna like, become Warsaw now!"

There's Poland, hands on his hips with a shopping bag in one hand. He looks angry and his scowl looks a lot more like a pout, but it's still the thought that counts.

"Hello, comrade!" Russia cheerfully greets.

"Oh my God, don't you even dare to like, call me that or I'll so totally kick your--"

"It's fine, Poland." There was no need for Poland to finish that sentence and accidentally cause a war.

Poland looks between the two, wondering if Lithuania is just lying for the sake of being nice before he decides to just believe him. "Fine. But like, come on, Liet. You totally don't need to be near this guy and we have to get home and get dinner started and stuff."

Lithuania nods and walks over to Poland. He does turn back towards Russia, who's watching him go and it is sad. It is heartbreaking, but Lithuania won't stay.

"Good luck," he tells him, giving him a small smile while Poland mutters something about being too nice.

Russia does smile back and this time, it isn't scary looking. It's real. And it's possibly one of the saddest things Lithuania has ever seen.

As they walk away, Poland grabs his hand and starts talking, still annoyed about the encounter with Russia. Lithuania doesn't blame him. Poland has a lot of bad memories thanks to Russia too.

"Honestly, that guy totally needs to make some friends or something. Ugh."

"…Yeah. He does."

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**Notes:** And...there goes my first attempt at Russia. Well, serious attempt, anyway.


End file.
